Mar 10, 2023

Illegal Beef

The beef claimed to be British but that was a lie. Mitch McConnell fell lol. The roman artifact was maybe not so phallic? Tesla steering wheels are falling off again and a literal heist went down in Chile.

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That beef ain't British

The British National Food Crime Unit is investigating a horrifying situation: beef in a supermarket which claimed to be British but possibly wasn't.

SHOCK. HORROR.

Apparently the supermarket was carrying pre-packaged sliced beef from a food provider who misrepresented the origin of the beef. The investigation, which by the way is titled "Operation Hawk", has found that the beef came from Europe and South America. Labeling it as British beef constitutes fraud.

I mean I get it, like I want to feel like I can trust what the food I buy says it is. But also "food crimes" is an innately hilarious concept.

Major crypto bank goes down hard

Silvergate Bank, a bank deeply nestled in the Crypto world, is shutting down and returning all remaining deposits as the Crypto world continues to flounder.

I haven't talked much about Crypto on Stuff Keeps Happening, and that's largely because the less that Crypto gets mentioned, the better off we all are as far as I am concerned. But this is another domino in the recent major issues in the Crypto world, as the bank essentially had everyone pull out since Crypto can't really be trusted to be any kind of stable.

It's almost like unregulated speculative markets are extraordinarily toxic???

It maybe wasn't a dildo?

So a month or so ago, there were a bunch of stories about an unearthed Roman artifact which looked shockingly like a carved wooden penis. Like, really really looks like a penis. Head and everything.

Anyway, turns out it may not have actually been an ancient dildo, which is kinda a bummer. Instead, among other possible explanations, it may have actually been a tool used in sewing: a drop spindle, which was a part of yarn spinning.

I think in our hearts, it will always be a penis.

Tesla steering wheels just kinda falling off

After multiple reports of Tesla Model Y vehicles having their steering wheel literally fall off, the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration has launched an investigation into Tesla.

TO BE CLEAR: The steering wheel quite literally just fell off while a person was driving on a highway. Just kinda… boop… no more steering wheel on your 5-day-old Tesla.

Notably, the steering wheel fell right off of a few Tesla Model 3's as well back in 2020.

Mitch McConnell tripped and fell and has a concussion and is currently in the hospital

lol

Want to play the beta for Diablo 4? Go to KFC

KFC and Blizzard Entertainment are partnering for a promotional event where you can get early access to the Diablo 4 open beta with the purchase of a KFC Double Down.

If you are not familiar due to being a somewhat well-rounded human being, a Double Down from KFC is a chicken sandwich where the chicken is the bread instead of… the bread… being the bread…

Anyway, you can also buy their normal chicken sando if you wanna get in on the beta, but also maybe we shouldn't be buying and playing Diablo 4 because of the whole "Blizzard's working environment was so hostile towards women that one of their employees killed herself" thing.

(I absolutely adored Diablo 2 and it was a fundamental part of my gaming life back in the early 2000's but like…)

A literal heist went down at an airport

It did not go super well though.

10 well armed heistboys attempted to steal $32.5 million in cash from a plane that landed in Chile from Miami. The cash was being transferred to an armored car when the thieves crashed through security and attempted to steal the cash.

A shootout ensued between airport security and the thieves, killing one of the thieves and one security officer.

Ultimately the robbers fled the scene, ditched and burned their vehicles and are currently on the run. Officials say they were heavily armed, but that nobody aboard the plane faced immediate danger.

Several similar heists for cash transfers have happened at this airport in the past few years.