I've Poisoned Your Cheesecake

We arrested some Nazis for setting stuff alight. Also, the FBI still doesn't like encryption, Twitter finally drops old blue checks, an attempted murder-by-cheesecake, Imgur goes full Tumblr and more.

I've Poisoned Your Cheesecake

Six years on, we got… three of em

Hey remember when a bunch of literal Nazis marched with torches in Charlottesville while chanting "Jews will not replace us"? Like, that thing that literally happened and we all saw it in high definition?


Anyway, three of those literal Nazis have been indicted. They were charged by a grand jury in February, but for LEGAL REASONS (idk) the indictment was sealed until now.

The charges? "Burning an object with intent to intimidate," which is actually kinda hilarious of a thing to be indicted for, given the whole "they're literal Nazis" thing.

FBI doesn't like encryption and they swear its 'cuz KIDS

The FBI does not like the growing push for end-to-end encryption and they absolutely love using "think of the CHILDREN" as their excuse. They have asked Meta to stop rolling out E2EE in their messaging apps, saying that firms are "blindfolding themselves" to child abuse.

It definitely has nothing to do with the fact that end-to-end encryption is the only real way to ensure that your data isn't being snooped on by the FBI and any other number of three-letter agencies.

Here's a super quick breakdown, by the way. Cuz like, there's encryption, then there's end-to-end encryption.

In essence, encryption just means "digitally locked up." If your data "is encrypted," that means its locked up, typically just means someone is encrypting your data while they hold the key. Your data is encrypted, sure, but they can decrypt it whenever they please, or may have to hand those keys over to the FBI or whoever.

End-to-end encryption means that you encrypt your data before it even leaves your device, and the only person who can decrypt it is the recipient (or you again). Messaging apps like WhatsApp and iMessage are end-to-end encrypted, for example. The apps encrypt the data on your behalf before sending the data back to the servers to be delivered to the recipient. With this setup, companies cannot even look at your data if they wanted to. This removes the ability for them to hand your data over to the FBI, aside from the useless encrypted version of it.

So perhaps you can see why the FBI isn't a fan.

Blue checks? Never heard of it

Twitter is finally removing blue check marks from legacy verified accounts, 20 days after the last time they said they would do that.

Now, if you want the coveted adornment, you have to shell out $8/mo as a user, $1,000/mo as a company, and an extra $50/mo to verify employees of a company.

But if you really want to save big, you can just stop using twitter goddamn what are you even doing on that hellsite anymore like seriously

Ya know, sometimes you just poison a cheesecake to kill your doppelganger

Whom among us hasn't?

A Russian woman living in NYC attempted to murder and steal the identity of her doppelganger by feeding her target a poisoned cheesecake. She has been sentenced to 21 years in prison.

Like literally, she went to the home of her target with a cheesecake as a gift. The cheesecake was laced with a sedative. The victim ate the cheesecake (because who wouldn't???), passed out and thankfully survived. However, when she got home, she noticed her IDs were missing, among other things.

What is this world coming to when you can't even enjoy a cheesecake from a foreign doppelganger house guest?

Imgur pulls a Tumblr

Starting May 15th, popular image hosting Imgur will begin taking down explicit content as well as images that are not associated with an account, which is going to destroy like LOTS OF IMAGES.

This is of course a brilliant idea, because removing porn from user-driven content curation websites is always a good idea. Just ask Tumblr all about "female presenting nipples".

Anyway, this is gonna be a disaster for them, but probably won't kill the site. It's already devolved from "simple image host" to "tired meme dump site," but remains a popular place to upload… well, porn. So. Whoops.

More Stuff

Subscribe to Stuff Keeps Happening

Don’t miss out on the latest issues. Sign up now to get access to the library of members-only issues.