Man who bragged about sexually assaulting women found liable for sexual assault against woman

What a concept. Donald Trump, who famously was caught on tape bragging about how he assaults women because he can get away with it, has been found "liable" for sexually assaulting E. Jean Carroll in civil court.

Specifically since this is a civil suit, he is simply "liable," and not "guilty" which is a distinction that I'm sure many weird jabronis on the internet will leap to ensure you are aware of. Nevermind the whole "he explicitly bragged about it" thing. He's simply liable for the damages caused by a sexual assault.

AI is both producing and consuming on Spotify

Who needs humans when you can just let AIs run wild on your platform? FUTURE. Actually, quite not, because Spotify is taking action on what is surely just the beginning of a whole new problem: end to end AI media engagement.

AIs can product music now, and Spotify pays out for track plays (however meager the payout rates are). So, it stands to reason that one could have an AI produce music, then use more AIs to stream songs intelligently to not look too much like a robot. Suddenly, you've got AIs on both ends. No need for humans anymore! Just free money because engagement!

This is going to be such a headache to deal with for basically every platform in the coming months and years.

Woman gets lost in the Australian bush, survives on wine and lollipops

A woman was exploring around in her car in the wilds of Australia when her tires got stuck in the mud. Lost, alone and unable to call for help, she was stuck for five days before a rescue team found her.

Thankfully she was found and is safe and healthy. Her survival was in part due to the fact that she had some provisions: wine that she had purchased as a gift, and apparently a bunch of lollipops.

This is your annual reminder to always keep an emergency supply of wine and lollipops in your car, just in case you get stuck while exploring remote areas in Australia, as you often do.

Tucker Carlson moves to Twitter

After being booted from Fox News, prominent shit spewer Tucker Carlson has announced that he will be rebooting his show on Twitter. He has cited that Twitter is the "only place left" that allows "free speech" and that the cable networks are just propaganda. At least he was right about one of those.

He is apparently going to be making a new version of his show which he will post over on the broken bird website, presumably much to the joy of Elon Musk who has stated that he wants Twitter to have original video content and such.

I'm not gonna sit here and pretend that getting Tucker Carlson on your platform is not a Big Get. It is a Big Get. The dude has a huge and loyal viewer base. They just happen to be a huge and loyal viewer base of bigoted morons.

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More Stuff

• A hotel manager has been arrested for sucking the toes of a sleeping guest
• The US is on pace for 60 mass killings this year (stricter count than the more typical mass shooting, gotta nitpick yknow?)
• Mark Zuckerberg was in a Jiu-Jitsu tournament and apparently didn't do too bad
• Dianne Feinstein is returning to the Senate instead of doing literally anything but that
• The US Senate may support allowing weed businesses to use banks
• Ron DeSantis has passed a bill that puts a bunch of arbitrary restrictions on land purchases from Chinese citizens because history has taught us nothing
• Tesla's arbitration practices for both employees and customers has essentially hidden hundreds of horrific discrimination and safety complaints
• The US is going to finally fund a study to investigate the impact of safe injection sites to help reduce death by overdose